Preparing for Marriage as a Single Person

Marriage is a sacred sacrament. "Personal sex attraction can easily prove a serious danger to your chastity" due to natural urges for physical expression — urges which are God-given but which require discipline and order according to His plan.

Purity is not a negative virtue but a positive and beautiful one. It is not opposed to love but is its guardian and purifier. Impurity violates the natural law, God's moral law, and the teaching of Christ. Those who bring purity to their marriage bring the most precious gift they can offer their future spouse.

The young person who is pure before marriage is not only keeping himself or herself for their future spouse — they are training themselves in the very virtues (self-mastery, self-giving, patience, generosity) that make for a holy and happy marriage.

The Sixth Commandment ("Thou shalt not commit adultery") and the Ninth ("Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife") govern all matters of sexual morality. Mortal sin in this matter requires three conditions: serious matter, full knowledge, and complete consent.

The text distinguishes carefully between: (1) mortal sins — directly willed sexual pleasure outside of marriage; (2) venial sins — indulgence in such feelings without sufficient resistance or reason; (3) no sin — when one is surprised by temptation and resists, or when some degree of physical reaction occurs without the will's consent.

The key principle is that sexual pleasure is ordered by God to the transmission of life within marriage. Any direct seeking of such pleasure outside the marriage state, or in a manner incompatible with the procreation of children within marriage, is gravely disordered.

Specific dangers addressed include: passionate kissing, which the text describes as a grave occasion of sin for unmarried persons when prolonged; petting and necking, described as "vulgar and dangerous" — a practice that leads quickly beyond what the parties initially intended; the parked automobile, described as "enemy number one to the chastity of young people" in the modern age; drinking, immodest entertainment, immodest conversation, and dangerous reading.

The counsel given is not merely negative but positive: keep company in places where there are others around; make dates purposeful and social rather than private; choose entertainment that elevates rather than degrades; read books that form the mind and soul. "The best safeguard of purity is a well-occupied mind and a devout heart."

Three core principles for keeping courtship on a high spiritual plane:

1. Keep courtship on a high spiritual plane — the couple who prays together and frequents the sacraments together is building the foundation of their future marriage.

2. Follow a "hands-off" policy — physical affection during courtship should be limited to what is appropriate to the level of commitment. Courtship is a time of getting to know each other as persons, not as bodies.

3. Plan dates thoughtfully — avoid private and isolated situations; prefer group activities, family gatherings, and social occasions; choose entertainment consciously.

The text includes twenty-three specific practical guidelines for dating, emphasizing group dates, avoiding automobiles alone at night, choosing wholesome entertainment, and keeping regular hours. Above all: "Never do anything of which you would be ashamed if your parents or a holy priest were watching."

The supernatural aids to chastity are primary: "Without the grace of God, purity is impossible; with it, purity is not only possible but beautiful and joyful."

Regular confession — weekly or at minimum monthly — is essential for those living in the world and subject to its temptations. The sacrament of Penance not only forgives sin but restores grace and strengthens the will against future temptation.

Frequent Holy Communion is described as the greatest aid to purity: "The soul that receives Our Lord frequently becomes less and less capable of offending Him." The Eucharist transforms the one who receives It with worthy preparation.

Prayer — especially the Rosary — and devotion to Our Lady are specifically commended. Mary, as the model of purity, intercedes powerfully for those who invoke her assistance in this battle.

Self-denial in small things trains the will for greater battles: "He who cannot deny himself a cigarette or an extra helping of food will find it difficult to deny himself greater pleasures."

The chapter provides comprehensive guidance on selecting a spouse, built around a series of searching questions:

Does this friendship make me a better person morally? Does it draw me closer to God? Can I observe modesty with this person? Do we agree on the fundamental things: religion, children, the purpose of marriage?

Key qualities for a wife: genuine love of home and children; willingness to manage the household well; piety and a life of grace; capacity for self-sacrifice. Key qualities for a husband: responsibility and hard work; ability to provide for a family; genuine respect for women; regular practice of the faith.

The chapter warns emphatically against mixed marriages, stating that the Church "most strictly forbids" them — not as an arbitrary rule but from pastoral experience of the great difficulties they cause and the danger to the faith of the Catholic party and the children.

The counsel on courtship length: "Six months to a year is ordinarily sufficient to know a person well enough to decide. Shorter courtships risk an impulsive decision; longer courtships, especially after the engagement is established, risk sin."